We are generally aware of all our body parts. Even if we don’t pay attention to it often, such as our middle toe, we still know it’s there and what it does. However, there is this one part of the body that we are all generally very unaware of and frankly we never quite get a good look at.
That is the gooch, also known as the perineum. It’s this patch of skin between your balls and your anus. Though it’s small, this is possibly the most misunderstood part of human anatomy.
Whether you agree with this backstory or not, you are now likely thinking about your gooch, and you might now even be putting your hand down there, feeling where your gooch is. It’s likely sweaty there, and smelly. Doubt it? Pull your hand out of your pants and sniff it. That’s the point. We want to remind you about the gooch and educate you on why you should probably pay more attention to it than you are doing now.
What the Gooch Does
To be fair, your gooch doesn’t do much in terms of function. But the fact that it’s there already serves a purpose. It is a nice spatial barrier between your family jewels and your anus. Imagine trying to wipe your ass after taking a dump with your nut sack flapping around so close. Or the number of times your balls will take the brunt of a fart? The smell would be absolutely unbearable.
And then there is something else more interesting called the anogenital distance. This is basically the distance between your anus to the underside of your scrotum. According to a scientific study, having longer anogenital distance was associated with higher fertility, including semen volume and sperm count. So if you have a longer gooch, you might be better off when trying to conceive.
Why you should care for your gooch
A lot of people think that the stinky aroma that emanates from your balls comes from the sack itself, but it’s really the gooch. This is because this strip of skin accumulates sweat and there is absolutely nowhere for it to go. The sweat builds up, thickens into an oily film, and if you don’t wash properly down there, it’ll just get worse. Also, the gooch’s smell worsens when you have swamp ass. You’ve definitely felt this before. On a hot summer’s day, you just feel all this wetness down there. It’s uncomfortable, it feels weird, and you desire nothing but to reach down there and wipe it down. That’s the feeling of the gooch collecting all that sweat that trickles down.
And what’s even worse is that when you wipe your butthole, tiny fecal remains may stick to your gooch, creating an even more disgusting mix. It becomes a nightmarish sludge of sweat, bacteria, and poop particles.
The first thing you can do in order to care for this area is to wack those weeds in the grundle garden. The hair on and around the gooch gets tangled up with all that gunk building up, and it certainly doesn’t help to relieve the stink if they’re long and unkempt.
The second, and the most important thing you can do is to have the right underwear.
How to Have Gooch-Proof Underwear
Since the underwear is the thing that is in contact with the gooch most often, caring for your gooch is really all about having the right type of boxers.
First and foremost, the fabric that touches the gooch should breathe and is moisture-wicking. This is because sweat builds up quickly in the gooch. Cotton or modal are great fabrics when it comes to this. Having a good pouch that also stocks the ballsack from being so close to the gooch helps it keep the area nice and dry.
Now here’s where you have to be really cautious. The part of the underwear that covers the gooch is the “gusset”, which runs from the inner tights to the gooch. This piece of fabric easily wears out because your thighs rub against each other when you walk, and that means the gusset rubs against itself. This issue is even more of a problem for guys with thunder thighs.
The wear and tear of the gusset has led to companies substituting the fabric with polyester. This is a huge flag because the inner thighs are very sensitive and they need breathable fabric hugging them. And if you haven’t forgotten yet, the gooch needs to breathe for god’s sake. Polyester will trap the sweat.
So your best bet in order to ensure that the gusset doesn’t easily tear and that it also remains breathable, is to buy underwear made from medium-lightweight fabric that is moisture-wicking and maintains its shape after washing. Modal and rayon are good places to start. They are tear resistant, and they are breathable as well as hygienic.
Up Your Gooch Game
The gooch is that part of your body that no one thinks about until it starts to get really bad. It can become irritated, rashy, painful, itchy, and most of all, incredibly smelly. When your gooch stinks, it makes you very uncomfortable, and you certainly won’t come off as sexy to anyone.
So take care of your gooch. Groom that precious garden and wear the right underwear that allows your gooch to stay clean and dry. Trust us, you’ll feel the difference right away.